The Easter Interview

We aren’t the family who frequents church. Our attendance comes in spurts- generally following a major holiday.  And then we fall (or jumping freely) off the wagon again.  My husband and I had a Catholic upbringing- which we clung to until our social beliefs were no longer aligned with the faith we were born into.  So we broke up with the Catholics and hooked up with the Congregationalists.  It’s open and affirming and lovely.  Now, I am not going in a direction of religion here- just to say that it’s because of our split from Catholicism that we lack the structure of regular attendance.  We have become what my mother used to refer to as “C and E’s”.  Whoops.  So my children have only peripheral knowledge of how religion connects to holidays.  It’s turned into more of a cultural experienced in my house- for the last two years, we have celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah- and I am confident and happy with the choices we have made for our family.  No judging, please.

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All that being said, her is the Easter Interview:

Why do we celebrate Easter?

  • It’s the day Jesus dies.
  • Because it’s the Easter Bunny’s birthday.
  • Mama, want toast.  (Ugh, no kid.  Mama wants to sit down for 10 damn minutes.)

Who is the Easter Bunny?

  • He’s a Bunny that gives kids candy and a little bit of toys.
  • He is a bunny who is nice and big and has a bag of candy for us.
  • Mama, toooaaasssttt.  (Shit.  He’s not forgetting.)

Why does the Easter Bunny come?

  • Because it’s like when Jesus is born, Santa comes.  He is really helpful.
  • Because you don’t give us enough candy and he feels bad.
  • Mama.  Tooooaaaasssstttt!  (C’mon kid!)

Where does the Easter Bunny live?

  • In a cave with his kids.
  • In a hole.
  • Owside.   (Yeah, now little guy is playing along- and forgotten about that fricken toast!)

What is the Easter Bunny going to bring you?

  • Candy and some other stuff.  You don’t get as many toys as Santa because the Bunny doesn’t have elves to help.  So you get mostly candy and maybe a couple toys.
  • I want the Empire of Ice pack that comes with Slam Bam, Hotdog, Gillgrunt- those are Skylanders, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- we already have two but we need more.  And a Chima set, you know the ones with the lion and the eagle?  (Dream on kiddo.)
  • Candy.  Trasha.  (Tractor- shit, I have to make an emergency run to the toy store now)

Where does Jesus come into all this?

  • Well, the Easter Bunny wanted to celebrate the day Jesus died.  When he gives toys to little kids, they won’t  be sad that Jesus is dead.  (I can barely contain myself with this one.)
  • Oh and I want that other Chima set- the one with the Laval’s Royal Fighter- it’s like a giant truck with treads on the wheels and a lion face in the front!
  • Mama, toast, want.  Mama!!!  Now!  Tooooaaaassssstttt!  (Shit.  Toast.)

And there you have it.  Not sure my Mama would be proud- nor Sister Irene who force-fed me graham crackers and apple juice when I was six and called me Jennifer for a whole year- but it’s the truth.  And real is all I ever promised to be.  Should I teach them more?  I don’t know.  Maybe.  Probably.  Some parents believe it’s lying to tell their children that a human-sized bunny sneaks in at night with candy and eggs.  Or that an obese elderly man with elves breaks in to leave presents while they are sleeping.  (Okay, when you break it down it’s kinda creepy…)  Is it deceitful?  Sure.   But it’s so fun.  We all celebrate differently- or not at all.  And that’s just fine.  Me, I am lying.  And it feels really good.

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2 thoughts on “The Easter Interview

  1. Since I know your kids, this totally cracked me up because it was spot on! Harrison mooned our neighbor last night, then peed in the driveway…. A helicopter flew over and she told him it was the Easter Bunny scoping things out to see if all the kids were being good. You should have seen the look of fear on his face. He screamed and ran into the house! 🙂

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