Sunday is the day of reflection on the past week. What worked, what needs tweaking and what was a total failure.
Talking things through, approaching things from a resolve-oriented approach, trying to get my children to talk to each other instead of me about what is bothering them, spending more time reading to them, getting more outside time.
What needs tweaking:
My approach to getting them to talk to each other needs to be more involved (suck). I need to take more time to help them work through things until they get the hang of it. I was just telling them to talk to each other about the issue but they ended up going in the room yelling and things went to hell from there. Also requiring tweaking is roping my husband into all this. Dad loses temper = Mama loses temper. We need to be better about this- honey, I know you are reading this… right?
Ignoring the behavior I don’t want to deal with because I am too exhausted to deal with it. I have got to summon the strength after working a 10 hour day to come home and parent effectively instead of being permissive. My struggle to have energy translates into their struggle to get my attention. So many times, I looked at my children over the last week and thought Just leave me alone for two fucking minutes. Not in a mean way (of course, you can hear me saying this in the sweetest voice, oozing with kindness and love… right? Right…?) but in a totally exhausted, beaten down, surrender-type of way. Mama is tired. Mama needs a break. Mama needs to suck down this glass of wine to get through the rest of this homework. And why the hell are they teaching you math like this?! Maybe Mama needs some meth… Nah. Mama needs to dig deep.
And dig deep we shall. My goal for this week is to reset. When I am feeling the exhaustion set in and the mean, tired Mama come out, I will dig deep to demand from myself, motivation and patience. My kids deserve better than what I have been giving them. They are children and sometimes I am fully aware that I expect them to understand far too much. I ask them to overlook far too many of my shortcomings. This Mama is feeling a bit defeated but from desperation comes hope and new energy. I’m going to dig deep. And it’s going to be a good week.