Which book do you want me to read you tonight? I ask without even having to guess. Batman and Friends! Woo-hoo. I am so sick of reading this book. Every night. Every night we read Batman and Friends. Every. Damn. Night. Do your kids pick the same books to read over? It can be physically painful to read a book over and over every night. My anxiety is already through the roof because I want to walk out and shut that light off- of sweet Jesus how I want to shut that light off!- but no. And then to read the same book? Again? Does Guantanamo have Batman and Friends? Maybe they should look into that. In my opinion it could be more effective than water-boarding.
So tonight following the showers-teeth-brushing-jammie-pick-books-fuck-show we are laying in bed reading… Batman and Friends! It’s tonight, on my forty-eighth reading of the damn book that it occurs to me: Who the hell is Plastic Man?! Is this guy for real? He’s wearing plastic pimp sunglasses and has a stripper costume on. Seriously?
Initially, I was required to gain vast knowledge about tractors and construction equipment. By the time my Cub was 18 months old, I could tell you the difference between a backhoe, front loader, skid steer, straddle-carrier, forklift, knuckle-boom loader, skidder, grapple truck, log-feller, and so on. Next it was tractors and farm equipment. I knew my Kaboda from my Massey Ferguson; my Husqvarna from a Cub Cadet. I could name implements (yes, that’s what they are really, called) like combine harvesters, plows, round hay balers, hay rakes, row-crop planters, harrows and disks. And then came the John Deere. The 8020s, Model C, Johnny Poppers, Waterloo Boy, Spoker D and the Lindeman 420 Crawler. I knew articulated and styled versus unstyled. And now we have moved on from tractors and discovered superheroes.
So back to Plastic Man. Now I am not here to break down (or build up) any gender stereo-types here but as a female product of the ’80’s, She-ra was my superhero. I did on occasion watch He-man but didn’t really get into Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman or Green Lantern. I knew who they were, I guess but my knowledge was peripheral at best. It wasn’t until I was gifted three boys that my understanding of superheroes has be broadened. Significantly.
Who the hell is Plastic Man, you ask? Well according to Wikipedia, Plastic Man started out an abandoned 10 year old criminal, cracking safes. It wasn’t until he was shot and fell into some kind of chemical bath and nursed back to health in a monastery that he found his new Plastic Powers and began fighting crime. Wow. Who makes this shit up?! He also has a sidekick, Woozy Winks. (Seriously folks. No joke.)
So now I am an expert on tractors, construction and logging equipment and Plastic Man. Now who’s the Princess of Power?